surprised by my new skin? haha i just liked it when i saw it, and it continues with my butterfly theme, and somehow the skin makes me more cheerful!!(maybe it's cause yesterday was a happy day, or maybe i finally finished all my core exams =p) ar, who cares, i'm just happy... =D

and i really like the marquee of twinkies.. some are really sweet.. well, maybe they are too pink for me, but then this skin is nice! haha

wildly ecstatic again.. exams nearly sucked the life out of me! but i must make use of an elective to pull my grades up, so pathetic right? haha neh mind la.. can get past this semester i'll be grateful, i promise to work hard next semester!!!

p.s: is the font big enough for you my dear boon? =p

i guess i've learnt to be more appreciative of little gestures..because they seem so easily overlooked, that's why they feel more heartwarming and precious..

especially when the small gesture is attuned to what i want, especially when it comes as a surprise..

still smiling at the sweet thought.. thank you!

by tomorrow night i shall have a new blogskin.. anticipate! haha

29/04/06 is a happy day~!! yay~! first time i bet on soccer, and chelsea didnt let me down! total 3 goals~!! yay~!! but i only win $19.. haha not bad for a first-timer...

tired now... shall go sleep... nightz!!=)

well, one bad news.. but two good ones..

i should announce the good news first!! one, my core exam papers are over!! only biz finance next thurs!! woohoo!!~! two, i finally got my driving license!!~!! haha yay~!!!!

finally this holidays look fun!! yay~!!

oh, but the bad news- i think will fail maths, which was yesterday's paper.. kaoz, i know my maths lousy la, but first time i whole paper dont know how to do lehz.. dont know if can get enough marks to pass not! well, i shall believe in the powers of moderation. haha lol

yay~!!!!!!! so happy to get my license finally! wahaha

memories. i dont know what else to say.

but as a friend once said, memories can be scary, cause they cannot be erased so easily. but that is also the beauty of memories.. they linger long after a person goes away..

create beautiful memories..even in the midst of a busy life.. so that no matter what, the good times are always there at the back of your mind.. =)

p.s had a morbid thought just, if one day i dying of old age, i shall get my loved ones around me for a pre-funeral, so that i can hear their eulogies, and reconciliate with friends i hurt or lost somehow, and tell my loved ones how much i love them.. [ hey, this idea is not original la, dunno where read/saw before]

i'm just being morbid. dun freak out. haha

i kena complained my blog boring.. haha what can i blog about lehz?

answer: nothing. lol

i intend to change my blogskin, password and maybe i'll change blog.. and yes my dear evan, i will try to make the font bigger for your 'small' eyes.. lol=p

blog more after maths.. in 17 hours it's finally out of my world!

i just want this math paper to be over. asap. no mood for studying. esp such a yuck subject

but then, another ordeal awaits. grr..

yes, i am irritable this exam season. but i cant help it. haha

long ago, i thought the word 'forever' was romantic..

a while ago, i thought the word 'always' was romantic too..

and now i scoff at both words. i dont need anyone to declare forever love, or to promise me they'll be forever by me. i just need a friend when i'm down, to comfort and show me care and concern.

i do know that friends and even boyfriends cant always be there, that they are busy sometimes, that well, i just got the wrong timing to be down. and so, if i cant manage to catch hold of a friend, i dont blame them. but i try to be available when a friend is down, and i guess i am lucky to have all of you who are there when i'm down..

thanks! =)

p.s maths sux. haha ql u r blessed! and this exams period is just too bloody long.

it feels like my exams are over.. haha.. and that's a wrong concept to have..

but oh well, i shall go take a nap.. tired

by sheer effort, can you hold on to something?

oh ya. a factoid from Reader's Digest- romantic love lasts 12-18 months, after that, the couple is down to their own foundation and understanding.

work hard to maintain your relationship!!! lol=p

do you ever think that maybe one day, when you let a person's hand go, it could just be the last time you held hands?

so unpredictable right?

well what can i say. i dont really care. dont fail this semester jiu hao. C also no choice le. though i dont want. but i brought it upon myself.

counting down to the end of my last 2 papers!! woohoo~~~!! i realised i having exams for about a month?! wtf right. haha

maths and biz fin left!! lalala...

time is running out, and here i am blogging. maybe i should spend my time praying? haha

would be ecstatic in burying thermody.

torturous week ahead. so sad to know that some people have already left their exams agony behind and prepare for post-exam fun..

two more weeks, wah kao. so long!!

how to study maths in two days anyone? haha =p

n lately, blogger doesnt like me. i wonder y? grr. e world is agst me. nap oso so suay muz kena outside grass cutting.

shall slp at 3. fuck it. i dun wanna score badly on a scoreable paper.

ya.. how come we dont verbalise our love to family? they should be the ones we shower with love, cause they are the ones who have to put up with my grumpiness and eccentricities..

if one day i'm gone, how would you remember me? would i have had an impact on your life? would you remember me?

come on come on.. if you are free, suggest some interesting topics for me to blog about! haha to inject some energy into this blog, where i grumble daily. haha

thanks! =)

this post should be something i type on my 20th birthday.. but i really wonder, what does the next ten years hold in store for me? i make the transition from student to working class, get married, become a mother?

i shudder at the uncertainty of all that lies ahead.. no wonder people want to stay in school forever, earning masters and PhD..( ok, they may really like to study, or gain more knowledge..)

i dont want to study nor work. kaoz. such a lazy bum. then i should marry rich and be a tai-tai. but then my life will be so routine everyday(according to stereotypes).. n it aint so easy to be a tai-tai. hahaha

yes i am blabbering, i know that. but then i already warned you on the first page of my blog that these words are just random blabbering.

dont want to mince my words and hide my feelings. i want to speak my mind, but i am cowardly.

why does holidays come tomorrow for ql and evan? *pouts* hahaha LOL

an unexpected flood of messages.. pleasantly surprised..

i guess any ordinary day can be made extraordinary when the people involved 有心。 =）

amused by my silliness. amazed i had it in me to have such thoughts. and i thought i was hmm what's the word... haha..

gave my word but couldnt keep it. sorry. haiz

in fervent anticipation of the end of exams. just want to have it done and over with. my holiday programme is in the making.. let's all pop champagne ya?

i used to see exams as something inevitable, a chore, but more of a challenge. now, i just dread them, afraid to do badly will mean i'm stupid. so since A levels, every exam period that i somehow, one way or another, survived, i pledge to have some fun. even if i have to work, even if i am broke. hahaha the most withdraw till minimum bank balance lor... =p

i keep thinking 17 is the right age to start dating. old enough to be slightly mature, young enough to still play around. not that playing around is good, i advocate being serious in all relationships. haha.. but then if you really get hurt badly, youth is still on your side, and you can still pick yourself up and move on. wont stupidly commit suicide, or do whatever stupid stuff.

and eventually, at perhaps 20, you'll learn what kind of partner you might want to spend the rest of your life with. and live happily ever after. the end.

lol=p

i wanna blog something interesting, that elicits response, or something funny, to destress. but i cant think of any. haha why like that?

there are somethings i realise only on hindsight.. like i wasnt happy then..

but i need not wait for holidays to know that i feel really miserable now. haha.

let's meet at least once during holidays ok? =)

i think i still have alot to learn before being able to become a good girlfriend, wife and mother.. before i can emulate yi neng jing. lol

oh my. how many times today have i said i hate studying? i wanna have my holidays now!!

looking at some stuff got me thinking... but now aint the time for thinking.. it's the time for wholemindedly cramming. -_-

i want to type a romantic post. but alas! there aint no words.

haha=p love you people lots!! hang in there!!

yesterday's paper was a killer. damn. i fear da bao. worst paper i ever had in my 12 years of education. never thought go in face green, come out face can be even greener.

oh well, 4 more papers. shit. next week is a busy week. the things to look forward to aren't enough to compensate for the agony these 3 weeks. full of dread.

can i say the moral of this entry, in case you havent heard it loud and clear? LIFE SUCKS. lol

it's not that i didnt study. it's just that there's this fear of failing that grips my heart, and restricts anything from going into my brain.

why do i fear exams only at the old age of 20? gawd. can die.

grrr... for these few weeks, i'm a nervous wreck.

i'm alright, i'll be alright..

=)

easily distracted. want to be comforted. but being so far away from anyone, words cant do much, they are only just words. what's more, i dont want to add to your existing troubles. so i keep my thoughts to myself. thought i could sleep and forget about them, but it still doesn't feel ok.

in a sudden eureka moment last night, i realised actually the guys i've been with could have been the one to walk beside me forever. but then i gave up, on them on myself, on the love we shared and chose to walk alone. how many more times will this happen? in the face of my own doubts, in the face of an uncertain future ahead, the answer is really hard to guess.

yes, i know everything will be alright in the end. but when is 'the end' coming? and what does alright mean? the end of everything?

nevermind me. i'm fine.. haha

people's msn nicks seem to reflect their happiness, 1 down 4 to go! they say..
for me, 1 gone! 6 more to die for.. why the hell do i have so many papers? damnit. gei kiang de consequences. = S

worried for my brother, he seems to be troubled..but he doesnt want to say.
worried for myself, cause i grew tired of studying.
worried for my parents, sometimes they feel estranged to me.

why aint the world a happy place? please dont make it any more worrying..

haiz.. the studying does not seem to register. on the brink of death, but both my mind and body arent willing even to put in a last struggle. just waiting for 4th may.

oh the supreme being, spare us all this agony. when we die, our lives arent celebrated by how many As we got in exams.

fuck.

sometimes the closest person to you, is the person you cant reach out to.. or dont know how to.

how do i tell him that he is being loved, that he isnt unworthy, that he is indeed an extremely special guy, who'll always be close to my heart? i want to tell him, but i can't find the words..

you're important. very important to me. hopefully, when you feel the world has deserted you, you know that you can still find solace and comfort in me. hopefully, i'll be there for you. i wouldn't want to leave you out there alone.

hours aint enough. i want more.

i prefer hugs to kisses. just more reassuring, with the ability to quell my fears and give me a chance to hold on tight, and preferably never let go.

i need hugs. haha=p

i've recovered, lest all of you are still worrying.. thanks for all the concern!

never knew i had a treasure beside me all along.. i guess i should learn to be less selfish, in order to reciprocate the tender loving care he has showered upon me. the one who has stayed beside me all these years, the person who looks out for me constantly without letting me know, the person who had to put up with most of my tantrums. the one who took care of me yesterday.

i seriously think i've never been a good sister. not good enough for you..

thanks bro! i love you!

we quarrel with our parents, cause no matter how bad, we're connected by blood, there's no way they'll abandon us..
we quarrel with our boyfriends, cause we believe we have the right to, and that they love us.
we dont quarrel with friends, at least only once in a blue moon. why so? cause a friendship can be dissolved? or cause as peers, we discuss things? or cause, we value friends more?

i just got this ominous feeling. but what the hell, i need to carry on.

when youve experienced something better, you wont want to go back to what you originally have, or started with. having once got As and Bs, you wouldnt be content with Cs. which is why we are all so seh this semester, for fear we get Cs.

and i believe the same feeling applies to love. so maybe there is a basis for 好马不吃回头草。as it logically follows that we all move on to greener pastures.

my expectations of myself is a reflection of other people's expectations of me. well, not a reflection but a magnification. people see me as independent, i want myself to be strong. i dont like the feeling of being swayed by one person or one comment.

ever stare at yourself in the mirror, to realise the face that stares back doesnt seem like you? in times of depression or despair, the stranger really scares me.

i really seriously dont love my brother enough. seriously. to know what he feels from his blog is just sad. sad that i dont know him well enough, not there for him.

i guess i want someone who's like my brother. really. haha. unbelievable as it may sound. but he was the one who was really there for me through thick and thin, young till now till old. we quarreled, made up. i get petty and pissed, he forgave. he cheered me up when my mood was shit. he is someone i can talk to.

i dont know if he'll see this, but i love him. i dont tell him, cause it feels weird. i dont show him my love, cos sometimes i am blind, putting other things above him. but at the end of the day, i know that when we both become orphans, he'll be my only kin. and that blood is thicker than water, holding us together.

the worst feeling of all is to know you tried your best, but it means nothing.

weather matched my mood today. rushed home to make up for the sleep i lost last night. and in that moment when i lay down on my bed, hug my bolster tightly and breathe in the smell that belongs to me and me alone, i felt a sense of security. 安全感 probably fits the feeling more. as if the safest place in the world is on my bed, as if i do not need anything else. as if my bolster is the best thing that can comfort me, be with me if i feel like crying. as if my bolster is my haven, the place i can safely entrust myself with.

i understand now why girls think of breaking up, or like to pick quarrels. it is sometimes cause the love that should be felt isnt felt. quarreling will make the guy focus their attention on the girl, and quarrels plus breaking up are tests to find out just how much the guy cares. but what if they dont perform up to scratch?

i think i am too ok. it shouldnt be like this. i should feel un-ok. but i dont. does this mean i am too nonchalant? is it a bad omen?

i shall push all responsibility to exams. the factor making my mood gloomy. (and i was surprised, dave noticed my gloominess and was concerned enough to ask) [ bla bla'hb la bla?]

oh ya.. for anybody's info, my first paper is 13th apr, last is 4th may. haha an agonising 3 weeks. =p you cant complain, cause i'm gonna win in terms of length of suffering.. =p hang in there!

finally into mugging mode today! cause of the looming scary deadlines. due to the 4AUs paper 8 days hence. due to i met qiuling to study today. haha =)

studying hard to make up for lost time. if losing sleep can help me get bearable results, i shall willingly sacrifice, for i've slacked too much, and realised too late..

the 3 months of bliss i must do alot of happy things!!
decorate my room, go fishing/prawning, fly kite, go hongkong, earn some pocket money, develop all my photos, organise my stuff, etc etc.. anything is enjoyable, compared to this dreary thing superior beings impose on us poor mortals-exams wahaha

could get addicted to studying. no time to lament. to cry or to panic.

study hard my darlings!=)

maybe cause everytime the exam period draws near, we are all stunned to find out that in the end, we are all alone in this battle for our own results. you can study with people, ask them questions, but ultimately it's down to you.

the feeling of loneliness is amplified, and it gets one down.

that's why during exam period, i miss my friends more, and i hope that they are doing ok.. hang in there my darlings! i love you! we'll have a hell of a fun time after exams ok? *hugs*!!

that's why we are all feeling blue... but the skies will clear, and if we study hard now, the rainbow will appear.. =)

温故知新 is something i have not learnt even after so many years of studying. if i had revised everyday, then i wouldnt be in such deep shit now. and even if i didnt revise, i should have started preparing for exams at least a month before the first paper. and yet, i didnt. in the last two fortnights frantically cramming, let's see how far it gets me.

please oh please, next semester i cant afford to be like that anymore!! slap me!

possible not to get any C+ for this semester not? praying to every god, hoping miss lady luck loves me, in a sudden panic, i've converted into a temporary believer of all faiths.

and yet, the rest is still up to me. 11 days to exams. shit. never been so dead. my slacking has resulted in my own grave being dug. my mum will so haunt me if i get lousy results. but most importantly, i would have let myself down.

spewing profanities, at myself. too late for redemption, just desperately trying to salvage the situation. please just let me get all B+!!!!

amen. thank you.

long entry, hopefully..

forever the same question: what is love? an emotion: 1) experienced in the defining moment when sparks first flew? 2) evolved after prolonged close contact?

you've all heard that complaint that the typical singaporean man makes a marriage proposal then asks to head for HDB to sign up for a flat. so unromantic right? haha there's even a more unromantic thing about men that i read somewhere.

women seek the right guy all their life, before marrying. men seek the right time before marrying. so to men, meaning that the woman they marry need not be the one they truly love, just someone at the right time. haha so unromantic right? but i shall not believe it, i want to retain some faith in true love!! lol=p

yet there are some times,times when i just feel insecurity rising from within my heart and out of nowhere,i wonder, would i just be the girl who happened to appear at the right time? wary of love in a way. dont want to get hurt, nor to hurt.

i've lost my train of thoughts, and the words dont flow anymore. haha so i'll stop here and end my blabbering.